Venom discovers:memes
by vzlaDavid
Summary: Memes are a bad influence on Venom.


**A/N: So, I watched the movie, and ever since then I've lived for a Venom that is oblivious to everything we deem as common knowledge and Eddie trying to explain to a murderous alien everything we deem as common knowledge.**

 **What could be more common than memes? Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: beside obviously not owning Venom, either movie or comic, I haven't read the comics, nor will probably ever do, considering the fuckfest Marvel Comics are, so don't be mad at me if I get something of the canon wrong, it's just like headcanons or something, we cool?**

* * *

Eddie was chilling around and about in his apartment, scrolling through his Facebook feed using the smartphone app. He chuckled at a meme he saw.

 **I don't get it.** He heard Venom from within him.

"What? What's wrong?" Eddie asked.

 **What's so funny about living in a society?** Eddie started laughing at that, until he felt a pressure on his chest. **"Are you laughing at me!?** The symbiote demanded.

"N-no! Jesus, calm down!" Venom complied to that with surprising ease. Eddie breathed in and out. "It's... just a joke, you know?"

 **I don't get why would living in a society be funny. In Klyntar, we don't live in a society, and we usually live among chaos. From my short stay here on Earth I say living in a society is preferable.** Eddie started laughing again. **What now!?**

"Oh god, I'm sorry, but... 'we don't live in a society.' That'd be a good meme." Eddie explained to the symbiote before feeling more pressure on his chest, but only momentarily.

 **A meme?** Venom asked.

"Uh, yeah, kind of an ironic joke." Eddie tried to explain.

 **A meme is an ironic joke. That's why it's so funny?**

Eddie was now kind of confused. "Uuuh... kind of?" This was quickly getting awkward.

 **I see...** Eddie heard Venom laugh in ways that undescriptably terrified him.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell was that!?"

 **I was laughing at the meme.** Venom replied.

"That was you laughing!?"

 **Yes.** Eddie was about to tell the symbiote not to do that again, but he couldn't bring himself to for two reasons: he'd feel kinda bad, mentally, and the symbiote would make him feel bad, physically. **I want more memes.** The symbiote said and Eddie was beyond thinking Venom was actually asking nicely. This was a demand.

"Uh... alright..." Eddie kept scrolling through his feed.

 **Why is that text green?** Venom asked.

"Uh... that's called a greentext... it's like, an anecdote someone publishes on the Internet, but also not quite an anecdote?" Eddie spoke in words the symbiote could understand.

Venom read the greentext at the same time as Eddie, naturally. **Haha... this person's misfortune is funny to me.**

"Uh, yeah, that story probably's fake though..."

 **Does that mean it isn't funny?**

"What? No! You can still laugh at it."

 **I see. I am still new to... human emotions, Eddie. They are nothing like ours. Yours are much more complex.** Venom explained to his host.

Eddie felt awkward now. "Uh-huh, that's nice to know, I guess..."

" **Let's look at more memes, Eddie."**

He knew he had to comply.

* * *

"We've been looking at memes for hours now!" Eddie complained to no avail. Suddenly, the phone received a call.

Venom growled, in fact, almost barked like a dog. **Memes!**

"Hold on, it's Anne. I've got to pick it up." He brought the cellphone to his ear. "Hey" _honey_ "Anne. What's up?"

"Hey Eddie, just checking on you, see if you're fine by yourself... I know things are... not going smoothly for you right now." Yeah, he forgot Anne thinks Venom is dead. "So... how's your life been doing?"

Eddie looked down to the ground, in a mix of sasdness and anger, since Anne basically admitted she was calling to see if he wasn't trying to kill himself. He let out a sad sigh. **TFW no gf.** Venom added to the call. Eddie had to hold back the urge to shut him up so as to not alert Ann.

"We... I'm fine? I really am. And you... you and..." He cleared his throat as if it burned with his next words. "Dan? Any... any progress on your relationship?"

 **be me.**

 **looking at memes.**

 **ex gf calls me.**

 **depression kicks in**

Venom was not helping. Eddie heard him laugh again.

Anne took a while to answer the question. "Yeah, we've been fine, but nothing you need to know, really."

"Are you sure?"

Anne sighed. "We... kind of... we are no longer a thing, did you forget?"

"Yeah, sorry... uh, listen, we uh, I, need to hang up. Call you later I guess." He hung up before Ann could say anything.

 **Don't worry, Eddie, she WILL be ours.** His best friend tried to comfort him.

"Yeah... I think looking at memes will help us right now, you know?"

 **We have such great ideas, Eddie.**

* * *

Eddie was browsing the shelves of Ms. Cheng's store, looking for Venom's favorite: french fries with chocolate. He'd rather have those with ketchup. Suddenly, their arms moved by themselves, reaching shoulder height at the sides.

 _A T-Pose? Really? Are you fucking kidding me, Venom?_ He forced them back down, but Venom's influence on his body was stronger than his own, a fact he still didn't entirely like. He tried again, to no avail. The customer beside him was staring at them, he noticed. "Hey." He casually said.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

Eddie tried to come up with an excuse, but was having difficulty with one, as, he just now noticed, a T-Pose cannot be explained easily to strangers. "I guess I'm trying to fly..." He said before the situation could get any more awkward, failing to notice it reached its peak awkwardness.

The customer walked away. "Weirdo." They heard her mutter.

* * *

Eddie scribbled something in a notepad while absentmindedly noding, in the night sky, with firefighter trucks and police cars surrounding a scorching building. "So, what else can you tell me about this building fire?"

The man he was asking the questions to nodded. "Right, this building's a goddamn mess, man! It follows zero safety codes" Legit, I ain't surprised."

He scribbled the information. "Interest-" they suddenly dabbed, ruining the page with a line in the middle of it. He looked at the man, who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. "Achoo!" He voiced a little too late. He awkwardly started erasing the line Venom made to the page.

"Are you okay?" The man tentatively asked.

"Uh, yeah." They dabbed again. "Achoo!" He voiced, much earlier now. The page was ripped from the notepad. "Yeah, you know, I think I'm allergic to... to fire or something else in here, so I'll be going now." He excused himself before walking away, leaving a confused man behind.

* * *

Eddie shut the door to his apartment, making sure it was locked. "Venom I swear to god I'm going to kill myself if you keep this up." The threat might sound weird to anyone else, but Venom understood perfectly what that meant for him.

 **But that was funny to me. Not to us?** Venom asked in... was Eddie... hallucinating the sad tone on the symbiote's voice?

"Uh, I'm not saying that wasn't... funny..." which, as a matter of fact, wasn't. Eddie scratched the back of his head in attempts to come up with a reasonable explanation. "But, uh, when timed incorrectly, comedy can sometimes... be rude, you know?"

Venom growled, but not in a threatening way, almost as if he was... either curious, or confused. **Have I already told you humans are more complex than I thought?**

Eddie tried to recall. "Uh... yeah, I guess so."

 **When Riot sent me here, I, along with the others, had come thinking you were only good for being used, and eaten. But you changed the way I see your species. You showed me I could live among you, rather than live above you. I think the former is a much better option now. That's why you are special to me, Eddie, you allowed me to change.**

Eddie nodded intensively trying to register if a living being had told him that just now. He still was on edge about those things, specially after what happened half a year ago. "Thanks, V. You are special to me too, I guess. My change with you has been, uh, neat."

 **I don't mean my words the way you mean yours.** The symbiote told him.

"How do you-"

 **Know?** Vemom finished the sentence. **I am inside your head, fool.**

"Yeah, but you can't-"

 **Read your mind? No, I can't really read your thoughts, but the longer I am inside of you, the more predictable you become, Eddie. In my short stay here you've been the most predictable human I encountered... but I like the sense of control that gives me.**

Eddie held his hands in a calming gesture. "Alright V, I've got to stop you now. Do you think you could lay off the whole being creepy thing? I'm unmeasurably uncomfortable now."

 **I'm sorry.**

"Yeah, that doesn't sound very sincere." He rubbed his forehead. "I feel like shit, I'm off to take a nap or something." Eddie began the disproportiantely small trek to his rundown mattress.

 **I can take care of it better than any-**

"Lay it off!" He reminded the symbiote.

* * *

 **Eddie.** The person in question jumped with a start at the voice.

"Jesus, it's way too late in the night why the fuck did you wake me up like that."

 **We are hungry.**

"You want to get out, right?"

 **Yes. I want to get out.**

"To eat criminals?"

 **Yeees... to eat criminals...**

* * *

Venom, as in, the monstrous blob of black ink, was casually walking the streets, as in, minding his own business, as in, creeping everyone else out. **"Actually explores the nocturnal lifestyle of humans like a boss."**

 _I can't believe you tricked me into this, V. Shame on you. Also I can't believe you actually waited so long to finish that meme._

He stopped in front of some flashy neon signs decorating the entrance of a place where loud music was playing. Luckily at an intensity of less than 4000 GHz. **"What is that, Eddie?"**

 _Uh, that's like, a disco, or nightclub. I can't believe people still go to these. Basically every night there is a party being held in one of them and people just waste themselves on them._

" **Why would they waste themselves when we can-"**

 _DON'T SAY 'EAT THEM' OUT LOUD. And I mean they get drunk. Christ._ Venom stared at the entrance to the disco for a long time. _What are you thinking about doing, V?_

" **Party time."** Venom said.

 _Hey, was that supposed to be part of the meme!?_

* * *

Yeah, at first the people were uncomfortable around a back hulk with the face of a demon in the middle of a dance room, trying and failing to dance himself, embarrasing Eddie in the progress. But hell, people were so wasted they even started to cheer him on. Some reckless drunks even held dance duels against the monster, all of them reluctantly winning. Eddie had assured Venom that a dance duel wasn't a battle for blood, however, so things were okay on the end.

 _There are many phones pointing at us! This is a bad idea!_ Eddie stopped voicing his concern to the symbiote, who was about to speak, but Eddie knew what he was going to say. _No, you can't take care of them!_ Another pause. _Yes, you also are very predictable, buddy._

" **You have to loosen up, Eddie!"** Venom, an alien lifeform who had barely any concept of what was common knowledge for humans, was telling him to enjoy life.

 _I'm starting to think memes are a bad influence on you._ Venom hissed in response.

Suddenly, they saw two very suspicious drunk guys getting out through the back door into an alley, accompanied by a woman. **"We need to check on that, Eddie. They're probably bad people."**

 _Yeah yeah, just take any excuse to eat human heads, buddy._

" **You know me so well."**

* * *

The woman was cornered by the two drunk guys. "Come on babe, you know you want it." One of them said before hiccuping.

"Get away from me you weirdo!" The woman protested.

"Hey, don't try to fight it back!" One yelled at her while getting out a pocket knife. A giant, black hand placed itself atop his shoulder.

* * *

Eddie felt the sunlight rays sneaking up on his eyes from the windows, and he reluctantly opened them. "God I'm so fucking sleepy."

 **You should get better sleeping habits, then.**

"You were partying the whole night, asshole."

 **Guilty.**

* * *

They were both brushing their teeth now, to start their day.

Yeah, Venom had to brush his teeth, too, at Eddie's insistence. He himself insisted that it was unnecesary, but Eddie insisted it was necessary. Venom agreed to it eventually, after any kind of torture (he could bring himself to use) didn't dim his host's demands he brush his teeth.

So, Eddie Brock looked at himself in the mirror brushing his teeth, along with a black, inky head, sprouting from his shoulder, with white gooey eyes and a fetishly large tongue brushing his razor-sharp teeth.

It was oddly comforting to them.

* * *

A knock on the door interrupted Eddie's breakfast (he considers this his breakfast alone, as Venom is, most of the time, actually disgusted with human food that isn't human).

Eddie opened the door. It was Anne. "Uh, hey, Anne. Could have called me beforehand."

She looked at him straight in the eyes before getting out her phone. "Eddie can you explain to me what the fuck was Venom doing in a nightclub last night?"

"What do you-" She shoved her phone right in front of his face. The phone was playing a video. Yeah, it was Venom dacing, alright. Or at least doing his best.

 **Is this what you feared, Eddie?** He nodded. **I'm sorry.**

"Oh, so you admit it was Venom? Why didn't you tell me."

 **But now that we think about it... this is the best opportunity we have of telling her.** He shook his head. **Why not?**

"Make up your mind, Brock!" Anne sounded annoyed as she put the phone back on her pockets.

"Uh..." he struggled for an answer. He scratched the back of his head. "It's... ridiculous, uh, you know. He sacrificed his life for me and you know it. Do you seriously think I wouldn't tell you if he was still around?"

"There are many things you don't tell me, Eddie."

"Yeah, but you know, I can't actually hide anything from you forever, you eventually figure everything out. You know me so well, how could I hide Venom from you without you noticing?"

Anne thought about it for a moment. "It still doesn't explain the huge symbiote in the middle of the dance floor."

"Drake had more symbiotes. Maybe another one escaped? In any case we should stay away from this for our own sakes."

 **That is actually a feasible possibility, Eddie.**

"You're right, I'm sorry I thought you'd hide Venom from me, Eddie. I'll be busy now, but if you want, you, Dan, and I can catch up later over some hot cocoa."

"Sounds like a plan." They said. Luckily the Venom part wasn't noticed.

Anne nodded. "Right, see you later." She walked away.

They smiled in legitimate happiness. They fist-bumped the air in silent victory, before closing the door.

"No more memes." Eddie told the symbiote.

 **What!? Come on!**

* * *

 **A/N: Up next: Venom discovers anime (?).**


End file.
